12:15 AM Friday

I am blogging this late, I am absolutely not use to this time at all. Ha, my laptop is still connected to California time, which is, 9:15 PM over there. Well, I just wanted to talk about how… I think about how I could try understanding myself. I don’t even know where to start, but me as a person does not make sense. Sometimes I know there’s not a single human that will not understand one fragment of me. I expect so much, hope so much, disappoint myself in the end. My expectations are to be known and be fulfilled. But I really ask for too much, I swear I do. I only want someone to know every part of me, to predict every movement or decision I would make after one another. Raphael, since you are the only one who knows me so very well, I expect you to know how I would feel in the end.. Like I said I expect one thing, hope for it, then once it’s misunderstood, I disappoint myself. It’s hard to keep up with what mood I will be in, one thing can really set me off.. it can lead to just the usual, making me think everything is my fault. You just hope I will understand, I am just like my Dad, he will never come to understand himself or his condition. It somewhat relates to me, you wish for me to understand you. Same goes for my mom wishing my Dad to understand himself and her feelings. But hey they do not fully relate to each other, just the basics of it. Sorry, probably didn’t make sense in that last sentence. But… I really think I do. I don’t know, I’m done with this post.